Michael McIntyre wrote his FIRST autobiography in 2011 and, by 2021, had written a second. The 2^nd book (A Funny Life) has had some extracts published in the Daily Mail (here)

If you’re wondering why I’m publicising it here…bear with me.

There’s a piece about his first British panel show appearance and it happened to be C4’s 8 Out of 10 Cats (2006 S4 Ep5).

This show was hosted by Jimmy and the Team Captains were Sean Lock and Dave Spikey. The 4 panellists were Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Michael McIntyre, Johnny Vegas and Ulrika Jonsson.

Jimmy and Michael would probably have been aware of each other as they had both been in Edinburgh in 2004 (here) and at the Kilkenny Festival in 2006 (here). And the Royal Variety Performance, that Michael mentions below, was the 2006 one. Jimmy had already been on it twice by then (2002 and 2004).

All that preamble is to introduce this extract, below, relating to the 8oo10c appearance and Jimmy being a mensch and checking up on his nervous guest.

Note: the full episode is below but has the incorrect episode number on it. Series 4 is on Jimmy’s channel but the numbering on there is even more mixed up and this show appears to be missing.

My first appearance after the Royal Variety Performance was on the Channel 4 panel show 8 Out Of 10 Cats, hosted by Jimmy Carr.

Shortly before we began recording, I was taken to make-up. ‘Make me look like I’ve just come back from two weeks in Florida,’ I asked the make-up artist.

‘You’d like some bronzer?’ she asked. ‘No, it’s hurricane season, I want to look windswept,’ I joked, and she laughed. 

This is great, I thought. I’m relaxed and being funny, I just need to carry on when the cameras are rolling.

The team captains on my debut were regulars Sean Lock and Dave Spikey. 

The other guests were Swedish weather girl Ulrika Jonsson, the Channel 4 newsreader Krishnan Guru-Murthy and Johnny Vegas.

Stepping just inside the door of the studio with the others, I tried not to be perturbed by a wardrobe lady rolling a sticky de-fluffing device over my £100 Singapore suit, before moving on to Jimmy’s significantly more expensive one and to Sean and Johnny’s shirts.

With our fluff all intermingled on the de-fluffer it was time for us to mingle for real.

One by one we were introduced to the audience.

‘Please welcome Michael McIntyre,’ announced the studio floor manager. Even I nearly said, ‘Who?’ A ripple of polite applause greeted me as I walked on. 

For the first 15 minutes I was in essence an audience member, laughing with everyone else.

But in truth I was in shock and awe at how quick-witted the other comics were. They had jokes prepared and were riffing and bantering hilariously.

When Ulrika got a big laugh and then Krishnan Guru-Murthy an even bigger one, I realised I was being humiliated. 

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Johnny Vegas turned his attention to me.

Comedians will scan everyone and everything to be potentially mined for laughs and Johnny Vegas, despite his haphazard persona, has a brilliant comedy mind, as I unfortunately discovered when I found myself and, in particular, my pink shirt, in his crosshairs.

‘Who are you?’ he literally said to me. ‘What are you?’

I don’t recall what I said back but the sound of my posh, camp voice sent him into a frenzy of ridicule, like I was in the front row of one of his gigs rather than an equal on a comedy panel show.

I just sat there with an inane grin and took it. I felt like some kind of a freak. I hated every second. 

Everyone was charming before and after the show, but when the cameras rolled it was dog eat dog, which was maybe a more apt name than 8 Out Of 10 Cats.

Jimmy very kindly telephoned me late that night to see if I was OK and assured me that the show would look good.

‘You’ll be amazed at what they can do in the edit,’ he said.

‘Can they edit me out entirely?’ I wanted to say, but didn’t.

Jimmy was right. The show looked fine when it went out. I was quiet but had a few lines that were bolstered by added laughs. Laughs borrowed from somebody else who was actually funny.

All of Johnny Vegas’s cutting remarks were on the cutting-room floor, as if they never happened. But they did happen, and I was shaken by the experience.